Tuesday, May 05, 2009

one fowl rooster tail...

According to many fitness magazines, I have what is known as "chicken leg syndrome". This is laughable...no, go ahead and laugh, it's funny. My bodily resemblance to this caged, practically flightless fowl explains my ability to launch massive credit card airs. But did you know that the chicken is the closest living relative to the Tyrannosaurus Rex? It's true, and it explains why these skinny little chicken legs have been crushing fiberglass tails for days, and also why I have to take a few extra paddles to get into a wave. (i.e. the short arms)

Basically, I needed to combat these limbs of Tyrannosaurus dynasty or risk losing another good surfboard to tail cancer. Since money is an object, that wasn't an option. I needed some high-tech carbon fiber materials and a little dash of the Colonel's secret recipe to spice up my daily driver...

...well, not this daily driver, but why not? Add a little carbon fiber to your diet, use this toilet seat and next thing you know you'll be crapping out stealth bombers for Obama faster than you can say "It's socialism!"

This right here is one 5'7" performance twin, which after 2 surfs already required repair in the heel and toe regions of the tail. I first cut a piece of carbon fiber, or Chicken Skin as I've trademarked it, and laminated it to the deck over the damaged areas and into the foot wells.

Here I've laid out Chicken Stripz™, which will add overlap on the carbon fiber which allowing for a smoother blend into the existing glass job. We want to keep weight down so we only use the leanest, all white meat Chicken Stripz™ instead of glassing over the entire dark meat Chicken Skin™.

We'll also get a better bond with the deck using 4oz Chicken Stripz™ because they saturate better than carbon fiber due to it fibrous density. I'm using a polyester sauce for laminations, my own Hott 'n' Swankyflavor, and hot coating with Straight Butta™.


And there you have it, the CHICKEN WIREor ROOSTER TAIL™, the world's first specifically built chicken-proof surfboard. Go ahead Nev, try and top that.

Would the guys on Swaylocks be impressed? No, but who cares about them. Shaper of the Year award, I wouldn't be surprised. I just hope the surfer(ing) magazines are still in business in time for that issue.

6 comments:

djjahd said...

so how are you damaging the ass end of your board when your leg is half the weight it should be? i like the repairs... pretty smart... but maybe this one "flew" over my head...

Ian... said...

While it looks deceptively like a chicken leg, it has the strength of a Tyrannosaurus crossed with a chicken?

Chris said...

IR nothing will stop that mongo foot of yours from destroying all surfboards - that foot is 4x bigger then the rest of your body!

grumpy local said...

How about those parkin meters at the Washout?

Havericks02 said...

Well done sir! Nice work Ian.
You may need to place a call to Ding Repair Agent Flea, here on Folly, so that he can apply for official certification and training with the "Colonel's Recipe". (or is it the "tyrannosaurus's recipe?" ).
Ding, deck and de-lam repairs here on the "Isle of no waves" has been steady and picking up, it is that time of year again.
Seriously, send your patented technique through the "mojo-wire" to the Fleameister.

Our friendly local Mr. Donut gobbler at CPM (Folly parking) has had Mr. Mayor of Folly request and pay for the installation of cameras INSIDE the NEW? parking meters @ the washout and on "strategically located" telephone poles adjacent to the washout. Based on Mr. Donut Gobblers info, he shared this with me to let me know that our folly resident taxpayer and parking dollars are being used to fund these new high-tech parking meters (with cameras INSIDE, did I mention that?) and the other cameras on the poles, because Mr. Mayor and the Folly Piggly Safety, along with Mr. Donut gobbler parking moped rider, are going to apprehend the "Parko-Terrorists" (a new form of terrorist, like "Narco-terrorist...) who have been terrorizing the parking meters @ the washout.
Seems that someone attempted to pay for their parking fee with surf wax, in the credit card reader. What a novel form of bartering. Let's support our local Donut Gobbling moped riders and the Folly Piggly Safety folk, as they embark on the new "Global War On Parking Terrorists".
They should easily be able to afford Cheney's consulting fee with all the parking profits.

Drew said...

Cameras are easily defeated by masks.